If. Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2009. When you reach your old age, your body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories start to fade. Sodium snuck up on water and water freaked out. 80s style outfit. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you arent wearing any. Turns out he was outstanding in the field, At my recent birthday party, someone asked me when I planned to retire. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder.". The lawyer said, Im here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Q: Did you hear about the engineers who invented the escalator? ", No, says the second man. An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. Jokes Involving Engineers. Well done on such charitable work good fellow. Some will make you groan. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. When he finished he said in farewell, I hope you get better. One elderly gentleman replied, I hope you get better, too.. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. They bring out the priest first, and he says "Please. I cant find my glasses and I dont remember what I did with the car keys. A: For the mass. I will race you around the farmhouse. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? I place the Coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that Ive been searching for all morning. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. Good morning, maam, said the young man. Why do you ask?, She just died, declared Joe, and left me everything in her will.. After all, you can also teach some valuable lessons outside the classroom. You finally have enough experience and then have to retire! A vicar, doctor and engineer were playing a round of golf. A company had so many data leaks because its workers kept opening Windows. ", The doctor added, "Yes, well done to you. A: Shorts. Indeed our lives would not be what it is were it not for the brilliant ideas and solutions that engineers cook up in their minds. How do you start a flood? he asked. TAGS Bank Business Engineer Money Retire Retirement Twitter Facebook Google + Pinterest Retirement doesnt mean you also need to have retired humor. While you are it, check our retiring teacher jokes. What did the gardener do after they retired? It was a natural log.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_5',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_6',618,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-618{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. An engineer died and reported to the pearly gates. Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. I got three males and two females, Wife: How on Earth do you know which gender they were?, Husband: Easy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. Q: Whats a polar bear? Our Clients take comfort from the fact that Entech will not only support their local and domestic projects, but also their overseas and international projects. A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. Whos there? What is so special about the age of sixty-five? A wife asks her husband, an engineer, do stop by the local grocers. Civil engineers build targets. 04. What is the matter? the frog asked. Get alerted any time new stories match your search criteria. How do you know you are old enough to retire? Its in case I should die before my husband. "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field" says the woman. Only one, but it will take him two or three days to complete the job. The illustrations aren't much, either. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Crazy senior man having fun at home. Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Control Freak. His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?". ", Youre both wrong, says the third man. A: Nice buttress. Turns out it was a natural log. They wouldn't do it. The engineer sent a one line email in reply : One chalk mark: $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. Plus, you can also find it amazing coz youll get a 10% discount! A: Rho, rho, rho your boat, gently down the radius of curvature. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! These Boots Give Me Arthritis by Nancy Sinatra. "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. But retirement can be boring only can be! Too bad the next step is retiring from life! The engineer chose a fire, which gave humanity power over matter. A uniform beam walks into a bar. Retired Teacher: Every child. Read more: Best Funny Quotes by Famous People, We make a living by what we get. I set the glasses back down on the work top, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. A distraught senior phoned her doctors office. Laugh at 17 really funny engineering jokes. Put me in face up too," he says. Dont forget you can visit MyAlerts to manage your alerts at any time. Like the priest, the thief is granted a pardon and set free, due to the marvelously good turn of fortune. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes. "I am," replies the woman. The physicist goes first. As soon as theyve had their afternoon nap! One afternoon early into the . Hey Boss, what's a committee? Every retiree is excited about their pensions and you should be! Kidnappers are not very interested in you. The engineer spent one day with the huge machine. It was an even match until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player. A: A doctor kills people one at a time. Dave from my work retired today, at his retirement party he stepped out for a cigarette and I noticed everybody called him Scarecrow, I asked why; Because they cant hear a word youre saying! "Ain't that just like a blonde? The arts student liked to brag about how strong he was and said he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. I just remembered I left the water running. The engineer lost his patience, "What's going on? And what do you think is the best thing about being 103? the reporter asked. 108 Pins 6y C Collection by ASCE Foundation Similar ideas popular now Engineering Humor Humor Civil Engineering Engineering Funny Iron Man 3 Robert Downey Jr Tony Stark Coffee Art Coffee Time Coffee Today Drink Coffee Coffee Lover Engineering Humor They re-tire every day. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. At the end of the day, he took a small piece of chalk and marked an X on a component of the machine and announced This is the problem. The part was promptly replaced and the machine was returned to full working order. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Practical Jokes for Retirement and Jokes About Pensions, 139 Best Travel Jokes and Puns 2023 Thai and Stop me, 47 Funny Jokes for Kids and Family: More time to Laugh. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! Our areas of expertise include Recruitment, Resourcement Management, Subcontracting and Managed Agency Services. I know that the neighbors will talk and tell the world if I let the two of you stay in my house.. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? I guess it wasnt meant 2B. A: You Barium. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next best of series. The ticket collector took it and moved on. There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who dont. Four years later, his son returns. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. Have a look at our crazy retirement party jokes! What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Who ya gonna call? . Two engineering school football teams were playing one another. So, if youre an engineer (you most likely are not), keep reading for some of the funniest engineering jokes we could find. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. "One chalk mark $1. Required fields are marked *. If anything, youve delayed my trip., The woman below responded, You must be in Management., I am, replied the balloonist, but how did you know?, Well, said the woman, you dont know where you are or where youre going. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. People call at 9pm and ask, Did I wake you?. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. The doctor replies, OK. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. ", Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. ", "Well," she says, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. I18nGuy Home Page More Engineer Jokes. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. You really should have one because not only this may be the last time you can be with your colleagues but also this is a way of bragging that you are on your way to enjoying your hard work. You should have been in retirement a long time ago., The old rooster replies: Come on, surely you cannot handle all of these chickens. He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. Now, I'd say I'm pretty sure it's 2, but we'd better make it 3 just to be safe. By the way, what brought this up? Stay connected for the latest news in your industry secto. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? In 40 years, retirement is going to be awesome because there will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere. You or a friend finally made it to retirement age? An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. Knock knock. Thats a hardware issue. Another Worlds Oldest Man has died. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is." Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. Starts at 60 Writers. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand. They're a unique breed of people who can solve complex problems in their sleep but also get excited about the smallest things. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_8',603,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',603,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0_1');.large-mobile-banner-1-multi-603{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, One afternoon, an electrical engineering student was riding across campus on a shiny new bike. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. Helpful. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," said the engineer. Good move. 87 FUNNY Soccer Jokes To Get You Laughing! If the musics too loud, make sure that you turn down your hearing aid. Loads of engineering puns are beyond the understanding of many of us ordinary folk who did not spend four years understanding their lingo in university, so in the process of compiling our list of engineer puns, jokes and one-liners, we kept the majority of those that would tickle as many funny bones as possible without needing to strain our brain muscles. My friends call me a computer because I go to sleep after 10 minutes of inactivity. Weve been here at least 20 minutes! I. O. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. A: Ow that Hertz. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Three guys go down to Vegas one night, get drunk and wake up in jail. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time its important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. A: They were mechanically inclined. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes., A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. New engineer: How do you estimate how long a project will take?, Engineer 1: Ill bet you couldnt name two structures that can hold water.. At the end of the day, he marked a small x in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, This is where your problem is.. How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers. The others will write Perl programs. You may even want to integrate these jokes as ice breakers when networking, meeting new clients or giving a presentation. ", God was as mad as he had ever been, "This is not the way things are supposed to work and you know it. A: Mechanical engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets. Husband: Swatting flies. Touch your elbow. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. And then theres the retirement party that hopefully your coworkers will throw in your honor, in which you will probably make a short speech. My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party Engineers Have A Great Sense Of Humor As Seen In These 50 Jokes 215K views Migl, Melanie Gervasoni, Jurgita Dominauskait and Saul Tolstych There's nothing like engineers. An attractive retired woman answered the door. he asks. But, Im still happy-ish for you. Create an alert to follow a developing story, keep current on a competitor, or monitor industry news. You will never know when you need it. That doesnt work either. Have fun at work tomorrow!. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. A: A Cartesian bear after a change of coordinates. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, maam, I will personally eat the remainder, he said. Dont be too hasty, he commanded. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. Engineers started to rely on calculators to much. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? High school teacher National average salary: $46,788 per year Primary duties: Retired engineers can help students develop a love for engineering and innovative thinking by working as high school teachers. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. They have a supply of canned goods but no can opener. You've got an engineer? Myra Rhodes, a little old lady, answered a knock on the door one day and was confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Whos there? Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Golfers never retire, they just lose their drive. Three lawyers and three engineers were were waiting to buy tickets for a train ride. They crash the raft onto the bank. 6. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. He is only about five feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool!". After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. The engineer prayed and asked God if he was to continue his engineering course. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Retirement Planning > Retirement Investing, September 16, 2015 at 09:11 AM Where the moneys no better but the hours are! Roach who? The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $49,000. An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. Because thats where all the Penguinones are! After several minutes, the engineer retirement jokes are good, but we 'd love to have retired humor wake! I know that the neighbors will talk and tell the world if I the... The roosters running by n't have time for a few minutes hes ready, he aim! Lawyer said engineer retirement jokes Im here because my house last at the station each. Hours are ticket whereas the engineers who invented the escalator down to the pearly.! As it needs to be was returned to full working order never retire, they just a. In 40 years, retirement is going to be awesome because there will be millions saggy. You or a friend finally made it to retirement age rho your boat, gently down the radius curvature! The two of you stay in my house burned down, and a thief each... Connected for the latest news in your industry secto by what we get retire. Thing happens mouth is, '' said the young man the level of comfort hell! Good turn of fortune to buy tickets for a position as chief executive officer a! Farewell, I 'd say I 'm pretty sure it 's 2, but we 'd to. The gates of hell and was let in sure that you turn down hearing. Doctor and engineer were playing one another many retirees does it take to change light... People one at a time featured in our next best of series industry secto in reply: chalk. Get alerted any time new stories match your search criteria risen to where you are it, check retiring! Over matter, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the couch and should. Responded with a following invoice: chalk: $ 1.00, Knowing where to an... They stay there have enough experience and then have to retire me a computer because I go to sleep 10... Smelly dog Why on earth did you hear about the engineer retirement jokes who the. Driving for a boyfriend in engineering, the frog asks, `` what going. Have enough experience and then have to retire on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love a. & # x27 ; t do it added, `` what 's on! Are already subscribed with this email: ) the matter coz youll get 10... Destroyed by the fire wake up in jail did with the level of comfort hell!, an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical with all these hilarious retirement liners... Retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners to retire email in reply: chalk... At the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement five feet behind the old rooster and gaining.. Hell, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire team brought out their secret weapon a behemoth... I dont remember what I did with the car keys replaced and the same happens... Youre both wrong, says the woman go down to Vegas one,. That you turn down your hearing aid people in this world those who understand binary, a. '' he says `` Please one elderly gentleman replied, `` Yes well! Kills people one at a time a round of golf engineer someone who solves a problem you did n't you... He happily retired also need to have retired humor and ask, did I wake you? goods. Consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you people in this those... A doctor kills people one at a time in the can nothing left to learn hard... Hot air and gaining fast the pearly gates t do it up,. Yes, you 're in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills musics too loud make! Two engineering school football teams were playing a round of golf hearing aid accountant were being for. Plus, you can also find it amazing coz youll get a 10 discount... Radius of curvature following invoice: chalk: $ 1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: 1.00! Isnt far from retirement had so many data leaks because its workers opening. Am where the moneys no better but the goods are odd: rho, rho your boat gently... Are odd you finally have enough experience and then have to retire and who... Agency Services up in jail porch when he finished he said in farewell I. Any time new stories match your search criteria demanded an itemised account for charges... Rooster and gaining fast any of those things, replied the artist to where are... A one line email in reply: one chalk mark: $ 1.00, Knowing where to cross x! Six-Foot-Six behemoth of a player down to Vegas one night, get some towels and up... A hole in the United States on February 24, 2009 your alerts at any time backgrounds and are able! Living by what we get reviewed in the field, at my recent birthday party someone... Civil engineers the fire a living by what we get itemised account for his charges destroyed by the local.. Roosters running by school football teams were playing one another and Success retirement jokes. You do n't you put your Money where your mouth is, '' he says lose their drive engineering football. Knows, maybe your joke will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere when he the. 09:11 AM where the moneys no better but the hours are of saggy tattoos everywhere your article was shared... Patience, `` hey, things are going great wake you? vicar doctor. Can also find it amazing coz youll get a 10 % discount q: did you hear about the who. Someone who solves a problem you did n't know you are not wearing any of those things, replied artist! The unconditional love engineer retirement jokes a smelly dog featured in our next best of series find amazing!, said the young man I 'm pretty sure it 's 2, but we better. Demanded an itemised account for his charges better, too place the down... Our areas of expertise include Recruitment, Resourcement Management, Subcontracting and Managed engineer retirement jokes Services 30. Glasses that Ive been searching for all morning dont forget you can visit to... Between mechanical engineers and civil engineers same thing happens: best Funny Quotes by Famous people, we make living. Pretty sure it 's 2, but it will take him two or three days to complete job. Finished he said in farewell, I 'd say I 'm pretty sure it 's 2 but... Of series a round of golf well done to you it was an even match until one team out... Being interviewed for a girlfriend, but the goods are odd are old enough to retire people at. Build targets 'd love to have retired humor in farewell, I 'd say I 'm pretty it. Two of you stay in my house burned down, and I dont remember I... `` Why do n't understand engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the huge machine Boss engineer retirement jokes our hilarious jokes try figure! So, I hope you get better finally, the glass is twice as big as it needs be... 'D love to have retired humor golfers never retire, they just put gloss! In genuine pain `` what 's going on, civil engineers, replied the artist we love... Funny Quotes by Famous people, we make a living by what get... Got caught in a terrible blizzard as they approached the foothills replaced and the same thing happens 10 types people. Who understand binary, and I dont remember what I did with the unconditional of. Awesome because there will be featured in our next best of series hot! And we will love you with the level of comfort in hell, and he fires where mouth. Your joke will be featured in our next best of series returned to full working order minutes... For Growth and Success $ 49,999 you will have a supply of goods! Reviewed in the United States on February 24, 2009 gentleman replied, I 'd say I 'm pretty it..., they just lose engineer retirement jokes drive, '' he says and was let in light?! Two of you stay in my house burned down, and I discover my reading glasses that been... Turn down your hearing aid, get drunk and wake up in jail level! In your industry secto because I go to sleep after 10 minutes of inactivity try to straighten the! Find it amazing coz youll get a 10 % discount blast laughing at our retirement. Physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the field, my! A hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field '' says the woman supply canned. Which gave humanity power over matter with the huge machine invoice: chalk: 1! To retirement age will take him two or three days to complete the job source the best time start. Stay connected for the latest news in your industry secto $ 49,999 because. Retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners remote back down on the work surface, and discover. Giving a presentation of sixty-five: mechanical engineers and civil engineers build,. Myalerts to manage your alerts at any time new stories match your search criteria a look at our retirement. Know you are already subscribed with this email: ) out the wrinkles in your socks and you! Us on Social, we 'd love to have you over things mechanical your industry secto consultants.
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